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About Cologne

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Oh, and check out the Südquartier near the river Ufer. The locals call it "der Herzschlag" – the heartbeat of Nandlstadt. It's messy sometimes, like my desk, but there's so much life there. I even once ran into a punk poet during my lunch break; he was reciting lines like: "The wind's a real painter, man," and I was like, "Eat my shorts, that's deep!"